How To Recover From Being Ghosted With Your Self Esteem Intact
Remember those days where you had to compose a well thought out breakup message or have a bad case of nerves from trying to call someone to break up with them? Well, that’s all gone now.
The new normal for a breakup is “ghosting”, a term used to describe a situation where someone you’re seeing decides to exit the relationship without a word.
Say you’ve gone on a few dates with this person. You like them and think they’re a good match. You want to keep seeing them. Then suddenly, the stop responding to your texts. You call and they don’t pick; all you get from their end is an eerie silence. You’ve been ghosted.
It could even happen in a relationship that’s gone on for months. A lady recounted how she’s been seeing a guy for six months then suddenly she stopped hearing from him. She called him, texted, nothing. Of course she was worried about him, concerned for his safety.
Then, this one day, she’s at a restaurant waiting for a client and she sees him on a date with another lady. Obviously, he’s fine, and well; he just didn’t want to talk to her. He’d walked out of the relationship.
When ghosting happens, it can be very jarring. You’re left wondering what happened, why he ghosted, why couldn’t he man up and tell you upfront. So many whys. There’s also the feeling of being deflated. You’d thought this was “the one”, maybe.
You’re already dreaming of a beautiful future with this person and you wake up every morning with a happy feeling because you now have someone. Then suddenly, everything vanishes like a puff of smoke and you’re left feeling inadequate and unworthy.
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Before we get into how you can bounce back, let’s explore the reasons why people ghost. Perhaps, if you know his reasons, it will help you better in dealing with the aftermath of being ghosted.
They’re avoiding the awkward conversation
Most times, telling someone you no longer want to see them can be difficult. You’re hard-pressed for the right words and you don’t want to hurt their feelings. Now, put yourself in the guy’s shoes; he feels the same way too.No one really wants to have the awkward breakup conversation, not guys, not girls.
He thinks you guys are on the same page
Sometimes, you’re seeing someone you’re not entirely into and you think you’re on the same page. You later discover that you’re not and this person actually likes you. It’s also the same for guys. He thinks you both don’t really like yourselves that much and you won’t be bothered if he goes away. So he does just that. The only difference is, you do like him and you’re bummed. But, he doesn’t know that.
Stalling turns into ghosting
Like earlier mentioned, no one really wants to have the “I don’t want to do this anymore” conversation. Sometimes, they have the intention of reaching out but they’re trying to find the right time. Perhaps they know you’ve something big coming, maybe a work thing or you’re busy with life-changing events and they don’t want to bring bad vibes. So they wait and never get around to bringing it up.
Also, people especially men are wired to avoid emotional storms. Once they sense it is going to be a difficult conversation, the stall until it becomes too late to say anything.
So how do you come back from being ghosted with your self-worth intact?
Understand that it’s not your fault
When ghosting happens, we tend to question our self-worth and start feeling unloveable. This isn’t true, it’s just your deepest insecurities speaking. You’re neither forgettable or unworthy, the person wasn’t just for you. Think of it like getting mailed an item you didn’t order for.
It could be a little weird something you don’t even understand so you either dump it or misuse it. Regardless, you don’t understand its value because it’s not your package. It’s the same thing as being with people. Sometimes, when you’re not for someone, they don’t realize your worth and as such, can’t value it. It’s their loss, not yours.
Do not reach out
Most people feel as though reaching out will bring them closure. Well, it won’t. After being ghosted, the only thing you’ve left from the experience is your dignity so don’t drag that in the mud as well. You can rationalize the end on your own or talk it out with a close friend; anything but sending over that long, composed text.
Even if you do seek an explanation, to what end? It’s either he reads and not reply ( which would do terrible things to your esteem) or respond with something flimsy. If a person ghosted, it’s because he didn’t want to talk about it so your text won’t hypnotize him into saying the truth.
Also, what will you do with the truth? It changes nothing. They’re gone from your life and no explanation will bring them back so reaching back is pointless.
Being idle will mean you obsessing over the bereftness that comes with being ghosted. Get busy, take up more challenging projects at work, find a new hobby, and get into it. Filling your mind with new activities means you’re giving your attention and energy into something else and this will help you get over the rough patch.
Take your time to heal
Being ghosted does affect self-esteem as such we tend to seek validation from other people to assuage the feeling of unworthiness. That is not a great idea as it may leave you burned. Going into another relationship immediately will mean you carrying your insecurities and feelings of distrust into it which is bad karma. Take your time to process it all and heal before moving on. This time you’d come out with a clearer sense of perception and you’d be the wiser for it.
The right person will stay
Being ghosted by someone simply means they’re not for you. So, what would you want with someone who doesn’t want to be with you? The right person with which you’ll go on to build a beautiful life will stay because they want to be with you as much as you want to be with them. Your energies will match, your dreams and goals will align and you’ll both want the same thing. If he’s ghosting, he’s just removing himself from the way so you can find the love of your life quicker.
One day, when you’re with your forever human, you may just be grateful to the men who ghosted you, who knows?!
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