It can be daunting when a good relationship suddenly goes sour. The happy couple who were once ‘couple goals’ soon become ‘couple nos’. If you look a bit closer at what went down, you’d realise the forces that be had come to play. These forces, for the sake of the message we aim to drive home, include bad habits in the relationship.

 

Now, we’re not talking about the booger pickers and lickers (even if that’s nasty), we mean the habits that are in-depth. Try ‘keeping your emotions to yourself until it becomes too much to keep hidden’ for size. Does that sound familiar? For a relationship to work, both parties involved need to be on the same page. They also have to understand each other, both the good and flaws. This is because, in reality, no one is perfect.

 

No one steps into a relationship with the intention of sabotaging it. However, this happens eventually. It could be as a result of deep-seated issues one or both parties bring. In this case, there are several relationship therapists that can help you trace the problem and solve it.

 

Everyone genuinely wants that happily ever after even if they know it’s not completely feasible. But with enough effort put into making that union work, you can go through the challenges together and end up happy – maybe even forever after.

 

Therefore, dump the flowers and chocolate mindset of what a relationship entails and face reality. Trace the bad habits that could make your relationship turn from good to bad, and even worse after that. Mutual respect and good communication are some of the criteria for a healthy relationship. Nevertheless, there are things that could turn yours into a disaster if not quickly curbed.

 

Bid goodbye to your relationship with these bad habits in place

 

Keeping scores and holding grudges

One issue women have is that they tend to keep scores of old issues. Sure, men could be caught in this, “That’s how you did the last time”. Still, some ladies deserve an award for their brilliant memory. They may not remember what they heard an hour ago but can recall the exact words their man said a year ago. When you keep scores of past wrongs, it can cause a problem in your relationship.

 

It is times like this you need to actually practice the ‘forgetting’ part of ‘forgive and forget’. Of course, you’re human and it’s not easy to forget things easily especially when it hurt you a lot. Still, as long as what your partner did does not involve any physical, mental or emotional abuse, you should try and let go. If you’re in an unhealthy relationship, you shouldn’t be there in the first place – walk out. If you aren’t and he just forgot your birthday that one time, then please let it go. Try not to keep grudges that would eventually hurt you too.

 

No boundaries?

Also, in a relationship, you need to be ready to set boundaries between friends and family. Sure, your family means the world to you. You knew them before you found your partner, but now you have your partner. Don’t completely throw them off; that’s not the point. But when you reveal things about your relationship to them, then you’ve crossed the line. Reporting your partner to family or friends is just you saying you’d never return after you’ve crossed over to them.

 

Stalker alert!

 

Just because that person has become the bone of your bone and flesh of flesh doesn’t give you permission to stalk them. Sometimes, people who stalk their partners try to justify their actions. They give excuses like, “I’m just checking in on where she is for her safety”, or “I just want to know who she has called recently.” Don’t snoop through texts, emails or bedroom drawers.

 

Oga there’s something called r.e.s.p.e.c.t. If your woman or man isn’t sharing everything with you, then talk it out. Find out why because, in reality, there shouldn’t be secrets between two people who are mutually trying to build a relationship together. Also, there should be respect for privacy because humans just have some things they would prefer to keep private. Simply strike a balance between sharing and privacy.

 

What are other bad habits to discuss?

 

If you can’t seem to relate with any of the bad habits mentioned, then ask yourself these questions:

• Do you try to improve your partner?
• Do you always find faults with your partner?
• Are you prone to public fights?
• Do you often hide how you really feel?
• Do you have bad timing for important discussions?
• Are you prone to overreacting?
• Do you get jealous easily?
• Do you do ‘everything’ together? (Solitude once in a while enhances a relationship.)
• Are you prone to lying?
• Do you lack self-confidence?
• Do you always threaten to walk out of the relationship?
• Is your partner taken for granted?

 

Whether or not any of these ring a bell, aim for the best in your relationship.

 

Summary of what habits a great relationship needs

• Mutual communication
• Respect
• Trust

 

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*Oga – A term used to refer to male bosses.