People cheat for many reasons. Some claim to have cheated out of curiosity, monotony or boredom. Sometimes, the pressure of a failing relationship can make you seek to ‘explore’ other alternative emotional sources. When you feel down in the dumps, just about anyone would seem like a saviour. You suddenly find that friend attractive, or perhaps it’s “just s*x”.
There’s more to cheating than just the s*x. This is because the thought of having s****l intercourse with another is the first phase of cheating. You’ve done it even before you’ve ‘done it’. One cannot totally categorise cheating as either good or bad without knowing the underlining reason.
Certainly, it’s a break of trust in a relationship. The reality is that only a few people can build that trust back. Psychotherapist and author Dr Jenn Mann explains,
“When it comes to trust, cheating is like a bomb that goes off between your twosome. It destroys the core foundation needed for a successful relationship. The desire to have our beloved partner to ourselves is such a primal need that the breach of monogamy can inspire a level of hurt and rage that is unique to other kinds of betrayal.”
However, a number of people can testify to the fact that their infidelity has made the bond in their relationship stronger. There’s no necessary scientific evidence to prove why this happens, but based on these testimonies from women who have cheated, it’s true. What’s even more, they don’t regret that they cheated.
Women who cheated and don’t regret it
1. It was just s*x.
“I don’t regret cheating because I didn’t love the person I cheated with. I slept with a guy I met out one night at a club where I was celebrating a girlfriend’s birthday. In my eyes, it wasn’t a big deal because there wasn’t an emotional connection. It was just s*x. I’ve been married for four years, and I truly love my husband. I don’t plan on telling him because I don’t want to ruin our marriage over a person I don’t care about at all.”
2. I grew the courage to break up with my boyfriend.
“I was in a long-term relationship with the worst human I have ever met; he cheated on me several times. I stayed with him because every ounce of confidence I once had was gone. I wanted to break up with him, but I felt as though he was the best I could get and I didn’t deserve any better. Then, a friend of mine started showing interest in me. We went out for a few drinks and ended up sleeping together. If it wasn’t for this guy reminding me what it felt like to be wanted and appreciated, and showing me that I did deserve better, I never would have built up the courage to leave the man I was with. My friend and I never started dating, but we’re still good friends to this day.”
— Kasi, 23
3. Our relationship has grown stronger.
“I don’t regret cheating because I feel like I had to do it for us to get to the place we are at now. My husband and I hadn’t slept together in two years. I needed s*x. So I slept with a stranger. Cheating actually helped me realise that I needed to do something about our s*x issues. I never told my husband about the affair, but I decided it was time to go to couples therapy and sort out our lack of s*x. After going to therapy, we started trying new things in bed and making it a priority to have alone time together. Our relationship has never been stronger. “
4. It wasn’t a big deal.
“Everyone cheats — no one talks about it. It wasn’t a big deal at all. I did it after dating my boyfriend for three years, and I felt guilty and told him. He was mad, and we temporarily broke up but got back together. I don’t regret it because it wasn’t, like, that big of a deal.”
— Alli B., 27
5. It made me feel good about myself.
“I was tired of being a stay-at-home mom who wasn’t treated well by her husband. My husband never called me beautiful and practically ignored me. I ended up secretly dating a guy that lived in the neighbourhood and was recently divorced. It was my adventure, and it made me feel good about myself. The side guy knew about my husband and didn’t care. He wanted a girlfriend without all the attachment that came with it, so it was a mutual agreement. When my husband walked in on us one afternoon, he screamed that he wanted a divorce, and I was okay with that.”
6. It made us grow closer.
“I admitted that I cheated on my boyfriend of four years, and it was such an emotional mess. He was so devastated, and so was I. We ended up breaking up, getting back together and then going to couples therapy to help us rebuild trust. In some weird way, this whole thing made us grow closer, and I’m glad it did because I would never ever do it again.”
— Shelby R., 29
What’s your take on cheating in a relationship? Share your thoughts.