Not everyone looks back at past relationships and smiles. There was a reason it didn’t work out and you are no longer together. It’s howbeit unfortunate for some people whose past relationships left them scarred. This may have resulted in serious trust issues that affected even their current relationships. For some, the thought of starting all over with someone new is scary.
Not only are these little fears eating up many opportunities to be happy with a better person, but they also make you question your worth. You often catch yourself wondering if there’s something wrong with you. Or you ask yourself if you’re good enough. Sometimes you end up sabotaging your own relationship for fear of getting hurt. You would rather be the problem and be aware of it than try and hear that you’re the cause of it failing. Anyone who ever made you feel this way is the culprit, not you.
Trust, the act of placing confidence in someone or something other than yourself, is vital in any relationship. It’s the bond of love, friendship and all kinds of relationships. Losing that is terrible, and making someone lose that is much worse. This is because it takes many years to build trust but just a second to lose it. Regardless, recognising why you have trust issues can help you overcome that obstacle in the long run.
Therefore, going through these things your ex may have said is a good ‘first’ step to healing.
Things your ex may have said that caused your trust issues
1. You’re bad in bed
This is one of the cruellest statements you can ever make to a human. S*x is a part of a relationship. It should be a build-up of intimacy. If you take that part out of the person, then it ruins any form of intimacy that they may build with future partners. Don’t drown someone in self-hate by making them feel less. Even when said jokingly, it can make you feel less.
2. It’s not you, it’s me
When your ex says this without clarification, it makes you actually think it’s you. That is the irony of such a statement. They may not say it in these exact words but may use more grammatically structured words. An example is, “It’s not your fault. I just need to discover myself.” There are more ways to restructure the notorious breakup line that has evolved over the years. This makes you wonder when your current partner would break up with you. He probably never will, but the fear of the past just seems to be eager to reflect in your present.
3. You can trust me
It is easy to destroy trust in a second. So, when someone says that without meaning it, it may cause you to distrust anyone else who says it. Why ask for trust when you might break it? It makes everyone else look less than trustworthy. You need to find a way to overcome your trust issues.
Blame tripping is bad but breaking up without saying why is worse. When an ex unexpectedly walks away from a relationship, it opens your mind up to the worst reasons. You start giving yourself reasons why he could have walked away, and they are definitely mostly negative.
5. It’s your fault
When they put the blame of everything that goes wrong on you, you soon believe it may be true. Even when not voiced out, your emotions eventually suck in all that negativity, and you start to feel less than you are. You feel worthless and blame yourself for everything that goes wrong in subsequent relationships. Your life becomes a roller-coaster ride of guilt trips even when you’re not at fault.
If you realise all these and more add up to why you can’t trust yourself, you need to absolve yourself of your past. Find a way to manage your emotions and purge it all out.