The term “trust issues” is often used when talking about a romantic relationship. Usually, this is the phase in your life when you’re meant to be intimate with your partner in every way. It’s a point of vulnerability where you have faith in your partner. Unfortunately, many have scars from their past and find it hard to trust anyone. The problem could be traced to a past relationship or a family issue. Whatever it is, building your trust again should be your goal. Doing otherwise would restrict you from having a fulfilling life filled with joy and happiness.
You might have successfully scaled through your platonic relationships without letting anyone in; they love you, so they understand. Or maybe you’ve kept yourself at arm’s length and have lived all your life in an enclosed shell.
The common excuse is that you’re an ‘introvert’, whereas you’re screaming inside to open up. You want to let people in but you fear the unknown. Maybe they would hurt you, betray you, manipulate you, and be like the others, who knows? Maybe you’ve been through too much and believe no one would understand you.
Author and poet Nikki Knight wrote in A Year of Tears: Learning To Trust And Accept Love Again:
“The aching, hurt and humiliation of the past have become so familiar. The feelings, although heavy and burdensome, are hard to let go because I’m not sure I know how to feel anything else. Just cold and numb.”
Trust issues build up from childhood or adult experiences. Whatever is the source of yours, it’s not your fault and you need to realise that. You need to give others a chance to know and understand you for who you are. Don’t keep things locked in for the fear of what might happen if you give someone else the key.
You should take a leap of faith and let some people in. Talk about how you feel with a professional you can trust. But if the idea of trust is alien to you because you don’t even know if you have trust issues or not, then answer these questions and find out.
1.) My biggest difficulty with trust has been…
a.) not trusting enough.
b.) trusting people who are not trustworthy.
c.) expecting people to be perfect.
d.) not trusting myself.
2.) In terms of jealousy, I…
a.) am rarely jealous.
b.) am prone to jealousy.
c.) have a jealous partner.
d.) like it when my partner is jealous.
3.) My personal history with trust includes…
a.) being untrustworthy.
b.) breaking confidences.
c.) being very trustworthy.
d.) learning to be more trustworthy.
4.) I am least trustworthy with…
a.) private information.
c.) keeping appointments.
d.) s****l fidelity.
5.) My greatest fears around trust have to do with…
6.) Most of my love relationships have been…
7.) In a relationship, I am usually the one who…
a.) wins the arguments.
b.) gets his/her way.
d.) gives in.
8.) My worst fear in a relationship is…
a.) getting hurt.
b.) hurting the other person.
c.) getting too close.
d.) losing interest.
9.) In a relationship, I practise…
a.) total honesty and truth.
b.) selective honesty.
c.) the right to privacy.
d.) prying into my partner’s privacy.
10.) Overall my ability to trust is…
a.) healthy and balanced.
b.) comfortable for me.
c.) still developing.
There’s no particular result, but you just need to be aware of your state of trust. Coming out of your trust issues is a process, and you need to build up the courage to take the first step to healing.