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Six Signs That You’re In A Toxic Relationship And How To Fix It According To Therapists

Lots of signs characterise toxic relationships but as it is with matters of the heart, the persons involved most times come to realisation a little too late.Toxic RelationshipHere are some signs that you’re in a toxic relationship.

Lack of trust

Many people would agree that being in a relationship where your partner doesn’t trust you is pointless. Relationships are meant to be romantic partnerships, one where you can rely on your partner, have them support you as you support them, be vulnerable with them. These things are impossible if there’s no trust.

“When I see people in a mostly healthy relationship, there is a security that they have in the stability in their relationship,” says Jeni Woodfin, LMFT, a therapist at J. Woodfin Counseling in San Jose, California. “Without trust, and not just trust that their partner will be faithful, but trust that their partner will behave in the best interest of the agreements of the relationship, there cannot be a sense of security.”

Controlling behaviour

If your partner is always trying to exert their will on you, insisting you must behave in the way they dictate, its a clear indication that you’re in a toxic relationship.

One that you should watch out for is controlling behaviours with consequences for disobedience attached. For instance, if a partner threatens to withdraw financial support or access to your kids, it’s clearly an abusive situation.

“These threats strike fear in many people and I find these are the reasons many, many people stay in unhealthy, unhappy relationships even when wishing for the relationship to end,” says Sabrina Romanoff, PsyD, a clinical psychologist at Lenox Hill Hospital in New York City.

Other signs include;

  • Always telling you what’s right and wrong
  • Expecting you to behave accordingly
  • Trying to control where you go and the amount of time you spend out
  • Constantly putting you down or making you feel you’re not smart
  • Insisting on having access to your personal devices like phone passwords, access to your email and social media pages
  • Cutting you off from friends and loved ones

Aggressive communication

Aggressive or hostile communication is yet another telltale sign of a toxic relationship.

Some signs of aggressive communication include;

  • Yelling
  • Name-calling
  • Throwing or smashing things
  • Silent treatment
  • Listening to respond and not to understand
  • Constantly blaming

While healthy relationships prioritise open communication and de-escalation of tense situations, toxic ones are characterised by heated conversations and lingering tension.

“Open communication provides opportunities to provide and receive support between partners.” Says Sabrina Romanoff, PsyD, a clinical psychologist at Lenox Hill Hospital in New York City.

Constant lies

A partner that lies even when it’s unnecessary is a toxic one. It signals that they don’t have respect for their SO and may not value the relationship.

“Lying to your partner indicates your allegiance is to yourself, not the relationship,” says Woodfin.

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The relationship is one-sided

If your relationship revolves around doing what your S.O wants or you’re constantly trying to please them, then it’s a warning sign.

“Being considerate of your partner is one thing, but if you find yourself saying no to yourself frequently to say yes to them, you might want to consider setting some boundaries,” says Lewis. “If they dismiss, belittle, or bulldoze your boundaries, that could also be a sign of a toxic relationship.”

Woodfin also highlights some of the tell-tale signs of an all take, no give relationship.

  • You’re always texting or calling first
  • They take forever responding to your text
  • Long gaps in the communication except you make the first move
  • You’re carrying most of the responsibilities in the relationship

You constantly feel drained

Feeling like you’re always on an emotional rollercoaster, one where you don’t know what will happen next in your relationship another tell-tall sign of a toxic one. This leaves you drained and constantly stressed about the state of the relationship which eventually seeps into other aspects of your life.

“It is helpful to examine how your connections outside of the relationship and with yourself have been affected,” says Romanoff. Usually, self-care and self-prioritization are neglected. Time and mental energy in toxic relationships will often be spent on the other person — either directly or indirectly through the backlash of unremitting discord and strife.”

Toxic relationships can be fixed by two partners who want the relationship enough to iron out the issues. Couples who desire to do so should seek therapy from a competent therapist to begin their healing journey.

However, if it’s only one person who’s ready to work out issues, then it may be time to call it quits. Also, if your partner is abusive emotionally, financially, s*xually, and physically then ending the relationship should be the next step.

“Try to bring your full self in a relationship, and that includes your intuition,” says Lewis. “Trust in yourself to make a decision that will benefit your wellbeing. Not only in the short term but longer-term as well.”

 

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