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Relationships: Just How Long Should The Talking Stage Last?

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A conversation on the talking stage was sparked off on the internet and with so many dissenting views, it’s proper we roll our sleeves up and really talk about it.

What is the talking stage?

Simply put, the talking stage is the process of time intending partners take to get to know each other. Its like love sparring; each person has their kid gloves on gently jabbing and checking to see if this a person they’d want to date. Only of course it’s not fight; it’s love.


Talking stage is also like testing the waters, one foot dipped to find if it’s too hot, too cold, tepid; the process where you decide if you want to jump in and swim or you want to walk away.


This stage involves a lot of talking(as the name implies). Intending partners fall into a pattern where they talk about themselves, get to know and become comfortable with each other. In our contemporary times, this will involve a lot of texting and calls on both ends.

talking stage
In other save yourselves the confusion, its best to make your intentions known early enough. Photo: Metro Parent


Within this period, attraction builds ( or is meant to), and a once weak foundation solidifies into a deep friendship.

This begs the question; how long should the talking stage last?

This is fluid and really relative to the two persons in question. A number of factors can determine how long this get-to-know stage lasts. The readiness of a person to fully commit to a relationship, their mental health at the time and other factors may come to play.


So while there’s no set-in-stone number of weeks or months or sometimes years (yes this is some persons’ reality- not advisable) it is imperative that intentions are made clear soon enough.


This is because in this stage, things are pretty undefined. Either of both parties have become comfortable with each other, look forward to conversations, and may have developed feelings. Nothing is guaranteed but feelings of entitlement to a person’s time and attention begins to slide in; a very human happenstance.


Also, the talking stage is for getting out feelers thus a  person could be talking to more than one person at the same time.


In other to save yourselves the confusion, doubts, insecurities, and other emotional hassles that comes with uncertainties, it’s best to be clear about intentions as soon as possible.


talking stage
Photo: Black Atlanta

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Fact is, when you’re in talks with a you want to be with, you just know it. Their values, goals, dreams are in tandem with yours. If not, they’re close. Also your energies are matching, there’s this zing of attraction and you get a gut feeling that this person is your person. Literally.


Making intentions clear is not restricted to one gender. When two persons are in the talking stage, the floor is open to anyone — male or female, to declare their feelings.


As soon as that is out in the open, it quickly answers the question of “What are we doing?”. It relieves the mental strain of trying to deduce cues or flashing lights.


Both parties can now decide if they’re going forward with a relationship or not.

talking stage
Think of talking stage as an adventure where you get to explore a new person; their quirks, what makes them tick. Photo: Hellen Oliviera Photography
What happens when the talking stage falls through. To be friends or to ghost?

It is true that the talking stage doesn’t always lead up to a relationship. Sometimes it works and sometimes for varied reasons, it just doesn’t. If you can stomach it, a friendship between two persons is very possible after a  failed talking stage. You already know yourselves well at this point and can go on to build a lasting and beautiful friendship.


If you can’t, well, that’s alright too. Taking time to heal away from your erstwhile intended lover is a good way to refresh and get back in the game.


Admittedly, a failed talk stage can be exhausting. After the getting-to-know-process, being flung back into the dating pool can leave one drained. But that shouldn’t deter you from the next.


Think of talking stage as an adventure where you get to explore a new person; their quirks, what makes them tick. Let the excitement of knowing someone new rush through you and enjoy every minute of the journey.


If this helps, also think of it as a social experiment where you experience new people till you find the one true love of your life.


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Sarah Oyedo

A reader, thinker, a dreamer and a believer. Fruity cocktails and asun are the way to my heart.

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