“Lying is quite common in relationships,” says Manhattan-based licensed clinical psychologist Joseph Cilona.
However, a lot of people do not know this common habit can ruin their relationship. Sometimes people give in to lying because that is always the easiest way out in comparison with confronting the truth. Other times people feel the truth can ruin their relationships not knowing that a lie can actually save their face and help them maintain the dignity that they enjoy among people they love.
First, what are the dangers of lying?.
Whether it was a well-intended lie or not, a lie is a lie. You can lie to people but not yourself. You can’t save yourself from facing what you have done. The guilt will linger unless you come out clean. If you wish to have a guilt-free life, if you wish to live with respect and dignity, you have to stop lying to yourself. From the experience that you have gathered from lying at some point of time or the other, has it been a great experience ever to keep lying to hide one lie? Of course, it has torn you apart when you thought of the consequences of getting caught. Some lies may have given you nightmares. So how do you stop lying?
1. Accept your fault
Stop convincing yourself that your way is the best way. You may have your own set of reasons to lie to the person you love. However, it is very common for people to convince themselves that they are not wrong when lying. Your inner self is constantly in the process of trying to justify your lies. The very fact that your partner may be neglecting you, disrespecting you, or even has taken you for granted maybe your reasons to keep lying to him or her. However, understand that his wrongdoings shouldn’t justify your lies which is equally wrong. Do you even feel better by going down the “wrong” path? of course not. No amount of effort will make you feel great about lying. Be honest to yourself at least.
2. Respect yourself
The moment you try to respect yourself, you will understand the value of your words. You will understand what it means to be in a position that people can point fingers at you. When you understand your worth, you will want to refrain from pulling yourself from an embarrassing situation. Therefore, respect is something that you need to cultivate. Liars don’t understand how their actions hurt their own image. Sometimes, they just enjoy manipulating people to get the best out of a situation.
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3. See things from your partner’s point of view
When you start thinking about the person you are lying to, you will empathise more with their precarious position. Would you like to be in a position where you are unaware of the truth? Would you like to have things happen behind your back especially if you are at the receiving end of the lies? of course not. Once you start lying, you lose trust. Everyone deserves to know what’s happening in situations that have a direct effect on them.
4.Think about the future
Will you be able to face a situation where your partner stops trusting you altogether? Wouldn’t you stand the risk of losing your partner completely? What’s worst, if you are a compulsive liar, you wouldn’t be able to garner any respect from your partner ever
“Being able to trust your partner and vice versa is pretty important. Trust is the primary connective tissue of a relationship. More than anything, it fosters a sense of safety. Without trust, a relationship cannot grow in a healthy manner”. says clinical psychologist Ramani Durvasula, PhD, author of Should I Stay or Should I Go?
Even if you break up, your future will also be doomed because of your love for concocting one lie after the other. If you are finding it difficult to stop lying, if you think your life has already turned miserable then you should get professional help. It will be better that you start working on this now before you lose your relationship completely.
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